Head to Head: Jaime Kennedy vs. Stone Cold
C. Robert Cargill, Apr 27, 2007
C. Robert Cargill, Apr 27, 2007
Yari Film Group Releasing
Once again, it’s a weekend battle of head-to-head stars. In this corner, we have Jamie Kennedy, a man, that contrary to the desires of almost every film critic on the planet, still breathes and is making movies. And in the opposite corner, we have a professional wrestler, Stone Cold Steve Austin. Let’s drop the cage. Two men enter! One man leaves!
In the box office this weekend: Winner – Jamie Kennedy. You know, as much as I wish it weren’t so, there seems to be no satiating the public's thirst for lowbrow, uninspired comedies. So why should this weekend be any different? Funny or not, people will run out to see it. Besides, as much as I want The Condemned to be seven different kinds of awesome, it’s still a Running Man remake starring a wrestler. Not exactly confidence inspiring.
In the critical arena: Winner – a total wash. The guy from The Mask 2 or a professional wrestler. These are exactly the kinds of guys critics line up for blocks to take turns kicking the crap out of. No matter how good these movies actually prove to be, critics will be vicious in their assaults on the two.
In their careers: Winner – Stone Cold Steve Austin. Unless Jamie Kennedy does something truly genius and unlike anything we’ve seen from him before, he’s gonna be considered to have peaked with the Scream movies. But Stone Cold is a wrestler, and was the world heavyweight champion. Sure, laugh all you want, but I just met Rowdy Roddy Piper -- my hero when I was 8 years old and the star of one, count ‘em one, great movie, They Live! -- a few weeks back at a convention full of celebrities. He’s the one guy who got me nervous and giggling like a school boy. I meet and talk with celebrities for a living, but this guy who I idolized as a child reduced me to a stuttering mound of nerves. Austin will have work for the rest of his life if he embraces his fanbase and learns to love those 8-year-olds well into their thirties.
In a fight: Winner – Stone Cold Steve Austin. Have you every wondered how bright you are? Because if you have, here’s a simple test that you can perform in the privacy of your own home, right this very minute. If you in any way doubt Steve Austin’s ability to toss around Jamie Kennedy like a frisbee and play hackeysack with his manly bits, then you could be in need of professional help. This category is like handicapping a race between a Porsche and a ten-speed. Maybe, just maybe, if Austin were asleep when the fight started, the odds might be even. Otherwise, I gotta call it now.
Once again, it’s a weekend battle of head-to-head stars. In this corner, we have Jamie Kennedy, a man, that contrary to the desires of almost every film critic on the planet, still breathes and is making movies. And in the opposite corner, we have a professional wrestler, Stone Cold Steve Austin. Let’s drop the cage. Two men enter! One man leaves!
In the box office this weekend: Winner – Jamie Kennedy. You know, as much as I wish it weren’t so, there seems to be no satiating the public's thirst for lowbrow, uninspired comedies. So why should this weekend be any different? Funny or not, people will run out to see it. Besides, as much as I want The Condemned to be seven different kinds of awesome, it’s still a Running Man remake starring a wrestler. Not exactly confidence inspiring.
In the critical arena: Winner – a total wash. The guy from The Mask 2 or a professional wrestler. These are exactly the kinds of guys critics line up for blocks to take turns kicking the crap out of. No matter how good these movies actually prove to be, critics will be vicious in their assaults on the two.
In their careers: Winner – Stone Cold Steve Austin. Unless Jamie Kennedy does something truly genius and unlike anything we’ve seen from him before, he’s gonna be considered to have peaked with the Scream movies. But Stone Cold is a wrestler, and was the world heavyweight champion. Sure, laugh all you want, but I just met Rowdy Roddy Piper -- my hero when I was 8 years old and the star of one, count ‘em one, great movie, They Live! -- a few weeks back at a convention full of celebrities. He’s the one guy who got me nervous and giggling like a school boy. I meet and talk with celebrities for a living, but this guy who I idolized as a child reduced me to a stuttering mound of nerves. Austin will have work for the rest of his life if he embraces his fanbase and learns to love those 8-year-olds well into their thirties.
In a fight: Winner – Stone Cold Steve Austin. Have you every wondered how bright you are? Because if you have, here’s a simple test that you can perform in the privacy of your own home, right this very minute. If you in any way doubt Steve Austin’s ability to toss around Jamie Kennedy like a frisbee and play hackeysack with his manly bits, then you could be in need of professional help. This category is like handicapping a race between a Porsche and a ten-speed. Maybe, just maybe, if Austin were asleep when the fight started, the odds might be even. Otherwise, I gotta call it now.
C. Robert Cargill - - - Email Me
------------------------------------------Austin-based Cargill, who not only loves but owns The Cutting Edge, writes on movies and DVD five times a week.
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